Have you ever stood outside on a starless night? Not in the amber glow of the city, but in the country? The desert? Far from civilization. Far from the light pollution of the city. No houses with porch lights glowing. No highway with its river of headlights streaming past. Just you and your thoughts and the darkness.
Somehow, in the peaceful nothingness, I feel closer to God, although I cannot see His face or even hear His voice. He is silent, but He is near.
This is the season of life in which I now find myself. I’m standing in a field. The air is perfectly still. The sky is perfectly black. The only sound is silence.
But am I really in a field? How can I know? I have no point of reference. I can’t see my hand in front of my face. I could just as easily be in a cave or on the edge of a cliff or on a stepping stone in the midst of a swamp.
Even in the uncertainty, I feel the closeness of God. I feel His direction. I feel an impending shift in the atmosphere. There is a change coming. I can sense that much, but just what or where or when? I have no idea.
I have tried to figure out the answer on my own. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve made pros and cons lists. Here’s the problem: Even if I were to make a decision based solely on selfish ambition, I would be clueless.
The problem isn’t that I’m stuck with no hope of finding an exit. The problem is that I have TOO MANY possibilities. I have what you might call “analysis paralysis”.
I have too many possibilities, but most of those are totally out of my control. They are only viable if someone else makes decision “A” and not “B”. I am at the mercy of the whims of others. I have all my plans worked out, “A” through “Z”. Still no answer…
My “if, then” chart is mind-boggling. Depending largely on circumstances that are out of my control, this time next year could find me in one of several different states or still in Indiana. I could be promoted at my current company, I could be in a new position at a different company, I could start my own company, or I could be in full time ministry. (I guess I should add the possibility of losing my mind and living under a bridge, but I think I have enough other options that I can avoid that one…)
I truly have no idea what to do. Maybe I’ll get lucky and fate will choose for me…
I may not know what to do, but I do know that God is up to something. At this moment, I’m pretty sure He’s teaching me to trust Him. Trusting Him when you DON’T know what’s going on is a lot different than “trusting Him” when you have a firm grasp on the wheel, a steady wind in the sail, and a course clearly set.
It’s easy to keep going forward when you know where you’re going. It’s a different story when you don’t know where you are or what lies ahead and your instruments are on the fritz. It’s not easy to keep moving when you can’t see what lies ahead, but I’ve learned that it’s easier to steer a ship when it’s moving. So, I’ll just have to move by faith.
I don’t know if I’m at the edge of a cliff or in a field or a cave or a swamp, but I know that whether I dive, walk, crawl, swim, or trudge ahead, God will be right there with me.
In a previous blog post, How to Conquer Your Greatest Fear, I discussed overcoming fears that hold us back and reasons to not be afraid of failure. When God is on our side, there is literally nothing to fear.
This reminds me of the words of a simple, but powerful song:
“We bear the mark of the uncreated God so what should we fear?
We bear the scars of the holy risen Son so tell me what should we fear?
Every threat is hollow because our victory is already set in stone
We are the fearless
We will not, we will not, we will not be afraid
We will not, we will not, we will not be afraid
Though we stand in this dark valley (we will not be afraid)
For we know that You are near
For we know that You are near”
~ “Fearless” by For Today
